Monday, June 2, 2008

Clean Christain Jokes

Why did the cows go to church?

They heard there was a new pasture!


A Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jack, was very interested in making extra money where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on one of their biggest churches.

Jack put in a painting bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks and buying the paint and thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened, and rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn.

Now, Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

From the thunder, a mighty voice spoke: "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"






Faith's Library Ministry announces its annual Summer Reading Program.

WHEN: May 18 – August 10 (All cards must be turned in by 12:30 p.m., on Sunday, August 10)

WHERE: Books must be chosen from the Faith Library or be a book we carry in the library. The book can be one already read, but must be re-read during the summer program. Books must be appropriate for each child and adult’s reading level. Each child is to read the book, not be read to. This monitoring will insure fairness for all readers.

WHO: Children going into second grade to 110 years old may participate. Children up through sixth grade will receive $5 funny money for each book read. Also, everyone who reads 10 or more books will be awarded a $5 gift certificate from Family Christian Stores. An additional $5 gift certificate will be given to the boy and girl who read the greatest number of books in their grade level. Adults will receive the additional $5 gift certificate if they are the top man or woman reader.

WHAT/WHY: Evaluation cards must be filled out for each book read. The back of the card is optional. Incomplete cards will be returned. Cards are available in the church library. Children must fill out their own cards. The cards help us evaluate the books in our library. Updated standings will be posted in the library.

Sign up now in the Library and start enjoying your own personal flavor.













Sunday, June 1, 2008

Why Jesus is Better Than Santa Claus

Why Jesus is Better Than Santa Claus

Santa Claus lives at the North Pole...
JESUS is everywhere.

Santa Claus rides in a sleigh...
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa Claus comes but once a year...
JESUS is an ever present help.

Santa Claus fills your stockings with goodies...
JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa Claus comes down your chimney uninvited... JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.

You have to wait in line to see Santa Claus...
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa Claus lets you sit on his lap...
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa Claus doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy (or girl,) what's your name?"...
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

Santa Claus has a belly like a bowl full of jelly...
JESUS has a heart full of love.

All Santa Claus can offer is HO HO HO...
JESUS offers health, help and hope.

Santa Claus says "You better not cry"...
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."

Santa's little helpers make toys...
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa Claus is a "jolly old elf"...
JESUS is the King of Kings.

Santa Claus may make you chuckle but...
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa Claus puts gifts under your tree...
JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.